Seasons of Essence

Once Again!

2010-12-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

My ex is once again all over me, telling me how sorry he is and how much he wants me to wait for him, because he really likes my ex-friend and he likes me too, but he just wants to have some fun! Really? I am truly sick of being played! I'M THROUGH WITH THIS!

Friends Who Count!

2010-12-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who's name is Brion! He is like really awesome! He tried to warn me about my now ex-boyfriend! I didn't listen to him because I knew that he liked me and I thought that he only wanted me to break up with him to date him. So I wouldn't talk to him for a couple days and everything he told me came true! I felt like a jerk! I knew something was wrong about my ex, but I didn't want to hear it from anybody else! I did apoligize to Brion, because he was just being a good friend! He supported me when my ex hurt me and when I just wanted to give up, he was there! I am really sorry I did that to him, because he was and still is a friend who counts! Also, my friend Tyra tried to warn me about my ex and I just refused to listen to her too! I love all of my friends and when they were trying to be there, I treated them like crap! My bestfriend, Mariah, told me that I shouldn't get my hopes too high about him, but I didn't care, I wanted to be happy for once and just be loved! I want to apoligize to all of my friends for not listening and being a jerk! I LOVE YOU GUYS! YOU ALL ARE FRIENDS WHO COUNT!

People Who are "Supposedly" Your Friends!

2010-12-17T05:51:00.000-08:00

Every time I look around my friend, Monique, is all over my boyfriend. Yes I just wrote about how great he is yesterday, but as I wrote that post, he was at a trip with her, kissing her and feeling all on her. I found this out through my bestfriend,Tyra, who was also at the trip. She had no idea we were together, that's because I hadn't seen her in a while to tell her. She said if she would have known that we were together, she would have set them both straight! Now, I trusted them to go on that trip and not do that crap, but it's really all of my fault, because I knew they liked eachother and I knew it wouldn't be long before they did something! But her being my close friend and him being my boyfriend, I truly thought I could trust them! Of course, when I found out, I cried, then my real friends helped me up, last, I tried to kill Monique and my boyfriend! I went off on Mo after school and him also! Nobody likes Mo because she is a little slut! Every guy talks about her and I use to call myself sticking up for her! I cannot believe she would betray our friendship like that! God only knows! So then,he breaks up with me saying "Oh, I love Mo, she's the one for me, and we were made for eachother." Oooo! God only knows how much strength it took me not to just knock him straight in his jaw! He also knows how much strength it took for me not to snatch her bald-headed! Well, I guess that's what I get for trusting people, right? If only I could learn from the past, because this isn't the first boyfriend of mine that she was sluting over! God knows that I'm trying so hard not to be mean, but I've truly had enough of her bull crap! Well, til' next time, bye!

My Birthday!

2010-12-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

I just turned fifteen on December 12. I also was asked out by a boy named Devin the day after my birthday. He is very sweet, kind, loving, caring, considerate, he listens, and he respects me. We have a lot in common. It's not that easy to find someone like that these days! I have liked him since school started, but I thought he didn't even know that I existed. He means so much to me and I'm glad to have him! He's very honest and that's all I ask! If your honest, then that means you can be trusted. Don't worry, he is also fifteen, but he's a couple months older and he is in the ninth grade too. (Lol)! I LOVE YOU DEVIN! Also, my grandma bought me six thigh-high Tinker Bell socks, my friend William from church bought me a beautiful necklace, one of my aunts bought my earings and a necklace with my birthstone in them, and one cousin bought me a pair of Victoria'a Secret boody-shorts that say "I LOVE PINK" across the butt and front! And my boyfriend bought me a cute stuffed animal! THANKS YOU GUYS!

New Things!

2010-12-16T08:18:00.000-08:00

There is this thing called Alluminati and my friend told me about it. She said Snoop Dog, P. Diddy, and someone else I can't remember, sold their soul to the devil to be famous! I mean, are they crazy? Bad question, they have to be crazy to do that! OMG! That's crazy mess. I know I haven't been on here in a while, but things have been going on! Also, I'm now in highschool. I attend Frank H. Peterson Academies of Technology. I'm taking up Culinary Arts. I'm having a lot of fun so far and I have a new boyfriend and his name is Devin. He's hot you guys! (Lol)! So it's almost winter break and I have these two big projects that I have to work on over the break! Well, atleast I'll be buisy! Well, I have to go! Til' next time, bye!

!Happy 4th Of July! "But Never Forget The True Meaning!"

2010-07-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I want everyone to have a great holiday, but I don't want you to forget why we really celebrate the 4th of July. Where I live, which is in Jacksonville, Florida, all of our Veterians are going and going quickly and not just one by one! A Veterian Memorial that was just built for our fallen hero's in 2009, is now filled with nearly 2,000 fallen Veterians! That is how quickly our people are leaving us! So I want you to all have a wonderful holiday, but please don't ever forget why that special day is there. If it were'nt for our people fighting for our freedom, we wouldn't have that day to relax! So remember to take some time out on the 4th of July to honor all of our fallen Veterians and the one's who are still out in the war risking their lives for us! So let us show them respect on that day, if we don't show it to them on any other day! HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!

I Say "Be Proud Of Who You Are!"

2010-06-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

Never let the words of someone else get you down when all you want is to be up for once ! I have finally realized that the more I let people hurt me, the more they will be able to destroy me! Be proud of who you are, because there will never be another you. My friends have always told me how special I am, but you know your friends who are true friends only want your happiness, so I basically never really listened to them. When all along, they were right. I had to believe in myself if I wanted others to do the same. You have to look at the good in yourself! I always tell my sister "Niesy, if you want others to love you, I'm going to need you to love yourself. Stop looking at your faults and look at your qualities. Your so beautiful and graceful, but your always too worried about your looks and not your true, inner beauty!" My sister is so beautiful! She just worries too much about her size and weight, when she is the prettiest 15 year old I've ever seen! But I realized how I was being a hypocrite. I was helping her, yes, but I was giving her advice that I needed to take for myself also! That's why I say to be proud of yourslf and stop worrying about your faults and look at you for your qualities! I need to think about the good in my life and myself and stop focusing on all of the bad things!That's Why I say "Be Proud Of Who You Are!"

"If I Cry."

2010-06-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why I always end up crying. I can't ever be happy and I can't seem to laugh or keep a smile on my face for too long! Nobody ever has believed in me the way I wish they did. Only I have the power to make myself happy? Well I find that hard to believe when everyone seems to have that power over me and more! I try not to let the words of people get to me. I am not someone who likes to fight and argue, that is why I think it is easy for my feelings to be destroyed. Everyone tells me that I'm a nobody and that I will always be a nobody. And after a long time of hearing those same words reiterated, I started to actually believe them. If I had a chance to be the one in control of my feelings, I would, because I can't stand the feeling of knowing that I can't even control my tears and pain! I need someone who can let me know that I mean something and not just tell me that just because they think I need to hear it or because it is so funny to them! HELP! I wish I had enough of it!

!Always Her!

2010-06-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

It's always her that makes you proud,
It's the truth... just say it aloud!
Never me, its all the time her,
You'll buy her jewl's and fancy winter fur!
It's always her, she's better than me,
It's always her that you only see.
She's the beauty, forget the beast,
I am nobody... I'll just head east.
You only reconize that she does best,
Give me nothing and she'll get the rest.
It's always her that you smile to,
You forget me, but I'll never forget you.
Why is it that you fail to see,
That you never remember me?
It's never me, but I know I'm sure,
That it's never me, but it's always her!

Pain

2010-06-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

The pain is outragously great in my soul,
It rips me apart, one by one, and whole by whole.
Nobody could really feel pain so great,
The outside is evil and the inside? Pure HATE!
Pain so strong will make you weak,
Hurt you greatly and make you meak!
Think of the steps that are so near,
DON'T CLIMB THAT ONE! You have too much fear.
Grasp the handle of great pain's ladder,
Stand your base like a baseball batter.
So what is greater than the greatest pain?
Nothing more than the wind and stormy rain!

!We Are Who We Are!(So Hatah's...Take It And Except It)!

2010-05-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

First off... I am who I say I am and I'd appreciate it if whoever doesn't like it, will get a drift code, because I can laugh at a lot of things and I can really laugh at my hatah's! It's really hilarious when you have a hater and you confront them and they're always saying they don't know what your talking about! Thats the good part about being a good person, because you laugh it off and don't even worry about it! So I'm proud that I am who I say who I am! And if you don't like it thats your problem and I'm not apoligizing!!!HAHAHAHA!!!

!Hey Hatah's!

2010-05-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

This girl who is suppose to be my cousin, goes to my older sisters School, and we have the same last name. So my sister told my momma, because we meet new family every day. So my momma was like ask her if her daddy was shot and my sister did and the girl was like 'Girl, you ain't my cousin' and a girl I knew in elementary is the girls cousin too, so she was like ' Thats my cousin and she can't be yours too!'. Okay... and she only said that because she thought my sister was white. And mind you, the girl's grandmother and my momma works together and the girl told her grandma that my sister told her she was adopted and that was a lie, because why would my sister tell her that when she doesn't even talk to her like that? Now her grandma told my momma that and my momma asked my sister did she say that and she said 'No.' Of course it was 'No.', because my sister doesn't talk private stuff to people who she hardly knows! So look HATAH!... DON'T GET JELOUS! CAUSE YOU KNOW MY SISTER GOT GAME!HOLLAH!!!

!Clean Your Act Up!(How BP Is Ruining What God Gave Us To Keep Right)!

2010-05-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Think about it? Every time we fix one problem... we have another one to deal with! And this new problem that has been bound upon us is by far the worse yet! BP should think clearer of what is really going on, this is no game to take this lightly! They don't realize that they aren't thinking ahead and what they could be doing to our future! They don't think about what the outcome of what they are doing could be! Think about it! Okay so I continuously watch the news, especially CNN and they are stuck to this problem! The latest from concerned American citizens is 2 farmers found a very interesting way to get rid of the oil in a safe and reliable way! They had 2 bowls and these bowls both had water in them, along with a measured amount of oil. They also had some hay and they put the hay into the contaminated water and stirred it around and when he took the hay out... would you believe the water was clean?! I mean it was pure and he demonstrated it once more in the second bowl! Now think of all of the trouble BP is putting itself through, when just 2 average farmers could come up with something so simple and something that is so easy to find! Hay can be found anywhere, because in some sense it is a natural resource! So BP, get it together and stop trying to go to drastic measures when just your average 'Joes' can find such a simple way to clean the spill up! So BP... CLEAN YOUR ACT UP!!!

!PAIN!(Don't Let It Consume You)!

2010-05-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

Your always going to have that pain,
Your always going to have that stressful strain.
The hurtful tears that you have cried,
Make you want to just fall down and let life die.
It's so difficult to really understand,
Why your the one who is just the 'left-hand-man'.
Don't let what you think consume you,
Your better than that, so just stand to the truth.
Your a greater person, no matter what,
Don't let your sentence of life end in 'but'.
So stay strong and face the real pain,
Because you are you at the end of the day!

!HIGH SCHOOL, HERE I AM!

2010-05-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm going to high school and I am so happy! I wanted to go to Frank H. Peterson, school of arts, but it worked out to be that I signed up to late and I have to go to a school that I didn't want to go to, called Ed White High School! Okay, so the point is, every time you turn on the news, Ed White is on it! And mind you its not for anything good! I feel like that school has a death wish... and then I found out that most of the drama-queens from my current school, are all planning on going to Ed White! Don't judge me, but honey, its like hell on Earth and that isn't at all... one bit pretty! Anyway, another reason is that all of my girls are going to a different school than I am! But my cousin(who is one grade ahead of me) will be there, but she and I don't always see "eye-to-eye" if you know what I mean. Okay, I don't start drama, I'm the type to resolve it! So my mama already knows she doesn't have to worry at all about me getting into anything! But I plan on submitting myself in ROTC and Debate. I'm trying to follow in the footsteps of my older sister, she is also in ROTC, but not debate, which I really don't see why, because boy does she love to argue!(lol!) Okay so I'm glad that I'm on my way to High School, despite the problems or defaults that could happen! Well, I'm going to go now and write another post! HIGH SCHOOL, HERE I AM!

Happy Mother's Day To All Women!

2010-04-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

Mother's day is special! Everyone has a mother and no matter if you like her or not, she's your mother! My mother makes me mad a lot, but I love her still, because she's my mother! She took care of me when no one else would, she loved me when nobody else did! All mothers deserve a special honor and I know my mother will have a huge gift for Mother's Day! So show your mom you'll love her through anything! Because no matter what 'There is NOTHING like a MOTHER'! Happy Mother's Day!

R.I.P Tiphne Hollis! (Stop The Killing!)

2010-04-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

My cousins' and my sisters' friend sister, Mrs. Tiphne Hollis was shot and killed in a car with her family! I live in Jacksonville,Florida and every time I turn on the news it's always the same thing, MURDER! Come on J-Ville, we can do better than that! I'm 14 and I know that this is wrong! People say Miami is bad? Well guess what J-Ville? We've got a higher murder rate than they do now! Tiphne did'nt deserve to be killed. Now I never knew her, but my family did and they knew she was a good person and had a great future ahead of her! Can't we stop killing? What if someone rode by your house or car and shot someone you love or someone who is close to you? I made a post before that said "Grow Up!" and you know what? No matter how old you are, you still have some growing up to do! And frankly, I think killing doesn't solve a thing! So I want to say, Rest In Piece Tiphne Hollis! Gog Bless the family of Mrs. Tiphne Hollis! At age 16, she lost her life to an ignorant, foolish purpose!

It'll Be Okay: God Will Make It Right!

2010-03-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

No matter what your going through, God will make it right and you won't have to worry any more. Sometimes you don't even think about what to do when you don't know what to do. So who do you turn to? God! Yes, God. You never know when your going to go through something, but know that God will only put you through what he know's you can handle! So if you are in troubled times, what do you do? Turn to God! Don't give up on God, because he won't give up on you! Love you guys!!!!

My Life Isn't A Big Joy (To all who thinks it is)

2010-03-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone thinks my life is perfect...but it isn't at all! I try hard to let my imagination free, but I can't because everyone wants to much from me all at once and I can't do it all by myself! Everything on my blog is the truth, but I'm always saying how 'happy' I supposedly am, but I'm not! I have so much held up inside of me and I can't get all out at once! Nobody understands me at all. If they do, then they do a wonderful job of hiding it. So I want to ask the world, what do you want from me? Because I've given you all that I've got left in life! What else do you need me to give you? Well I dont know, but when you figure it out, tell me! Thank you.

I'm Back!

2010-02-07T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well it seems I've been gone for so long, but now I'm back! You all should know that I'm still in school and that I really have to concentrate! But anyway, I had the chance to meet my favorite poet! His name is Matthew Hernandez. I really like him, and don't tell anyone, but I love his smile!!! (lol) But really, he is great and I also met his two friends who are also a part of his poetry group, Mr. Eric Williams and Mr. Juwayne Walton. I learned a lot from all of them, they showed me that I have a gift and I meen something now and forever! When I read my poetry aloud to the class, I finally was able to see how much pain I was really in, but it took me to read what I wrote to understand what I meant and felt!
These three men literetly changed my life! I've always turned to reading and writing poetry for comfort, now I turn to reading, writing, and listening to poetry. What I meen is that, I never knew my friends were also having trouble in life and it took a lot for us all to really get up there and tell our stories. My friends and I always smile and laugh around eachother to try and hide whats real, not knowing that every one of us were going through something terrible! It truly hurts to see my friends so hurt, not knowing that they were giving me signs the whole time and I didnt even help! It seems that the poetry I'm ucustomed to is the depressing poetry, but I tell my pain day to day, that its not over, I'm going to win this fight and meeting Mr. Hernandez made me realize that I can't give up! AND I WONT!!!

!Grow Up!

2009-11-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

This week has been so crazy! I mean its like everywhere I look its just a buch of drama! My friend Marshele was like "People fightin people over something the people could just let go!" And honestly, I understand her to the fullest! I mean, you got girls fightin over boys who dont even look to good! And then you got dudes fightin dudes over how one looked at another! I'm so aggitated at how immature people can be. In all, people are actin like the're two when the're actually twenty! I mean seriosly GROW UP!

2009-11-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

Forever Essence:My Life and MORE

In Time

2009-10-30T06:32:00.000-07:00

In time I'll find who I truly am,
I will find out what took me where,
In time myself will become my way,
I'll be me on that wonderful day,
In time my enemies will be my friends,
No matter what I am my end!

!Love in so many ways from so many people!

2009-10-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see someone that I like, I try not to be shy because I want people to see my side that tells who I really am and I'm an outgoing, energetic, fun, funny, talkative, caring, loving person! If you dont believe me, you can get to know me personally and you'll see that I'm agreat individual! I have so many dreams that literetly scare me because they show me things of my past that I really dont want to remember! See I'm adopted and it doesnt really bother me(well that part atleast) and I really dont know my real mom to well and my real father? Well, lets just say I've never met him. Well anyway, the other night I had a dream about my real mom and my sisters, my brother and myself. We were in our kitchen and my real mom was talking to me and we were all walking around in the kitchen. I woke up like "Wow. Was that real?" I soon after realized that it was real, but it happened when I was really little, I cant even remember what age! I 'm very serious about the impression I make on people. In school, I dont goof off unless I'm in gym with my friends! My mother(the one who adopted my sister and I) always says to me or to other people "Kadazya always is reading or writing!" Kadazya is my real name. Then people will say, "Girl, you got a smart girl." then she'll say, "Dont I know it!" I dont brag, but have you ever just felt so good because you hear your mom say something good about you, but you never knew she noticed what you said or did? Well needless to say, thats how I felt! I love my mom and I'm so proud to have a mom like her!

THANKS

2009-10-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me those comments and it seems that you all are great people and I'm so proud to know that I actually hace people who like my writing! I'm writing a book and I'm already on my fourth chapter. Its NOT negative, but I just put my fealings into a story of a 15 yearold girl with natural feelings and problems! So I really want to know if my followers think I should put my book on my blog for you all to read.

2009-10-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I don't know what to say because it doesn't seem to really matter. I try to be strong when people dis me like I don't mean anything!

Just Be You!

2009-10-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

If someone doesnt think of you as important, you need to not worry about it because you are just as special as anyone else! Just recently I did a 'Friendsip' test on my friends. Now I know it might seem childish for a 13 year old girl to do, but I found out who my friends really are! One girl I thought was my friend really wasnt, so I'm fine with the group of friends that I do accociate myself around. I just be myself and in the end it works out right!

2009-10-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

When people look at me as different, I applaud them! Its no use in feeling deprived of my feelings but being glad people take out enough time to try and hurt me! I 'd like to know from people, what would you do if someone got in your face about something that they felt was wrong with you? I need to know what others feel and what they think!

TEARS!

2009-10-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Tears they shed here and there,
They just flow, I couldnt bare,
Its so sad yes I know,
But tears will come and tears will go,
Pull me up and pull me down,
Either way, tears hit the ground,
Take me from my joy, ok,
But I will just cry all day,
Hold them in, Put them out,
I'll just scream,cry and shout,
I have shed them through the years,
Yes I have shed so many TEARS!